Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
