Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize