And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
