I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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