goodnight i made you a song goodbye
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come share oat with me in your robe
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
