FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
