Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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