When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
