Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
