Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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