I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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