I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
