We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize