It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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