well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
