At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
