Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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