Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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