I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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