Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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