Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize