Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
