So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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