Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
