At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
