last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i was in the wii world.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
