3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
