Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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