I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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