omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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