I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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