I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
God I need to hump something, right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
