I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
