It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
