he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
