You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize