Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize