Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
