my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
