True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
