Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
