I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
