lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
