You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
