Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
