I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
