It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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