Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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