hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
