Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
