I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
