there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
