Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You took a bar mat shot.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
