Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
