yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize