Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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