If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
