I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
