Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
