I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm like, not good at living.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
