Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
