Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
