mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
