she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize