question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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