if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
