is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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