If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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