The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
