Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
