Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
