I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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